RIP

I've been thinking of my friend Keith lately.... Those of you who don't know Keith, he was one of the strongest, thoughtful, inspirational, and downright smartest people I knew. Every time I saw him he was smiling no matter the day he had or the issues he had to deal with. I chose him as my mentor because he always had great advise for me when I was dealing with a challenging staff. I never really told him how much of an effect he had on my performance at work and how he made me a better manager.

I think of him for some reason when I am feeling down and I need advise. I try to imagine what he might say to me at those times. And how a hug from him always made me feel better. Like an older brother who always smelled good....

About a year ago, Keith killed himself. I am reminded of him often. Especially, when he still pops up on my Facebook page ("Connect with Keith", Write on Keith's wall", "Keith just sent you a poke"). I mean REALLY.....

I often wonder why he did what he did and what must have been going through his mind. Why didn't he ask for my help when he needed someone? Could I have helped him? Was he just disappointed in the world? Or himself? Did he not feel loved?

I will never know the answers to these questions. And that is what bothers me the most.